The blog has been moved to:

Moving

2010-03-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

Due to the fact that I do have two blogs, and would like to combine them both into one that will continue on after the adoption....this one is moving. I'm only going to blog in one place from now on. I like that our travel journey will be a part of not just an adoption blog since this will be a huge undertaking for me. The adoption in itself is HUGE, but travelling away from home will be monumental as well. So I'll do my day to day thing here Sewn Together By Grace

Anxious

2010-03-16T19:06:00.001-07:00

Anybody else feeling anxious today? I am not working on a dossier, and I think it may be to early to pack. So...I'm waiting...sometimes not so patiently.

90%

2010-03-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

That's the percentage of abortions for babies diagnosed in utero with Down syndrome. That is CRAZY. And here's why. Every where we go, we meet people who know someone with Down syndrome. Everytime we talk to someone, even strangers who over hear, about adopting our kids, the reaction is amazing. They all seem to know someone with Down syndrome who they hold very dear to their hearts. Nothing but all good things to say about the person or people they knew/know with Down syndrome. So why such a high rate of abortions for these babies? I don't get it. I do however, appreciate all of the warm thoughts and stories we've been getting from people lately.

Hurry up and wait.

2010-03-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Adoption is definitely a hurry up and wait type of event. Or at least getting to the adoption is. You hurry up to get the first part done, wait on paperwork, hurry up to get it authenticated, wait for a travel date. Hurry up to get packed, wait for travel time. We are in the wait for submission of our dossier and then wait for a travel date. I am ready....mostly. So I've been sewing more things for Anna to wear. I also ordered some material to sew up a few matching short sets for my boys. there are a few cute things to make for the boys, but not nearly as much as for girls. That kind of stinks to, because I had a 20 minute conversation with Andy about why he couldn't have clothes made out of pink heart material. I conceded to put a patch into a quilt for him that had blue hearts. He's still learning gender things, and really thinks "mans" should wear pink heart dresses because they are pretty. We are going to tie dye a few sheet sets and pillow cases this week, hopefully sew up a toddler quilt for each of the kids beds, I've casted on the yarn to make Anna a little red riding hood cape, and hopefully we'll get the room finished painting. So we do have a few things to keep our minds occupied. John is gone today to fix our tiller so we can crunch up a friend's dirt. He lives closer to us than our 14 acres, so we're going to garden his land this year and share. The kids are going to have so much fun digging in the dirt all summer, and eating all of the wonderful produce. Maybe they'll even help me can. I'm looking forward to it! Now, if we could just get that travelling over with :)

Motherhood is sweet...especially when they're sleeping

2010-03-10T11:18:00.001-08:00

NOTE: insert photo of amazingly beautiful, peaceful, quiet, angelic, little four year old child here* (It's not as if I'm risking taking an actual photo...that might wake him up)

There are some moments in motherhood that truly feel like VICTORY! One of those moments follows wrestling a small child for an hour over the great need for that child to take a nap. You know they flop, possibly shed a tear, talk, sing, wiggle, go to the bathroom, sing some more, make their distaste for nap time well known, and on and on and on. We were of the thought once that we would be no nonsense parents. To a point we are, but you just can't *make* a child fall asleep. I mean I guess if you drugged them you could, but we're not in the drugging a child business around here. So again you cannot make a child fall asleep. Sometimes a person cannot fall asleep.

However, on this particular day, with this particular child, a nap was very much in need. This child had lost all understanding and notions of a calm existance, and so the world no longer made sense. Thus the crazy, raving child running around the house in circles to keep himself awake. That was followed by a great lunch, and the naptime wrestle.

And then, I opened up the door to find the most beautiful child. Sound asleep. Victory!!!! Definitely one of motherhood's most wonderful moments...winning at naptime :)

That much closer.

2010-03-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

Our dossier has cleared customs, and was picked up today...via the USPS tracking website! We are that much closer to seeing our babies. I'm so excited...I'm sure you all can guess that by now. I'm just so ready for it to be time to hold them in my arms. Although we have quite a bit of stuff to be doing between now and then. I still have to bring down their beds and get them put together. We have two toddler beds, two twin beds, and a crib in addition to the bunk beds that Andy sleeps in. We are thinking of bringing the toddler beds down for now since we aren't sure what type of sleeping the kids are used to. Plus the matresses are waterproof and low to the ground. I've been "nesting" and spent the entire day cleaning 8 years worth of paper work up and organizing our computer area. John brought home a really neat binder cabinet from work that they were going to toss out, and I think I'm going to add fabric and stuff to pretty it up. That will probably happen tomorrow. I can't believe our dossier made it to country safely...that is awesome!

This verse.

2010-03-08T06:15:00.001-08:00

I've had Jeremiah 29:11 following me around for the last 13 months it seems. For my birthday last year I asked my mother for a new Bible with my married name on it. She bought me the one I had carried around for nearly 15 years that had my maiden name, and since I had been married for quite some time, when she asked, I knew that's what I wanted. Anyways, it's a beautiful Bible. She also paired it with a cover that has...you guessed it Jeremiah 29:11. When the Pastor came to the house recently, he gave us a card that said he though this verse would become very personal to us. I keep reading over it. You can see the verse in the header of this blog. How fitting for this journey. How fitting for life. God does have plans for me. He does have plans for my children. He has plans for hope and a future for Anna and Tanner. Good plans for us all to be together and prosper as a family. Isn't that amazing? So very soon I will get to hold these children in my arms. They have felt like my children from the very beginning, but now that the dossier is in the mail I feel like they are really really going to be ours. I have looked through their pictures a dozen times this weekend, just imagining holding them in my arms, marvelling at their perfect creation. They are so beautiful. So real. So ours. I know there is no guarantee that when we get to their country, that we will get their referral and that they will still be available, but in my heart I know they will be there. I know they will be ours. God has plans for us. This process has stretched me in so many ways, and my husband to I believe. He made the comment just the other day, about how impressed he has been with people stepping up and showing true character through this adoption. I have learned just how far love can reach. As much as adoption is not for the faint of heart, it is definitely a way to grow as a person. To learn patience. To be able to do things for people that you have not met, but feel connected to. A way to find your true character, find new or renewed faith in God, and learn just how much strength you really have. Stepping outside of one's comfort zone isn't easy. I think it's necessary though. God has plans for us all, it's just our acceptance of that and willingness to follow that can make those plans real and amazing. I'm so very glad we chose to follow God's call to adopt these two children. There are still many unknowns to come, scary rides on planes, crazy times getting two children home by myself, but I just have to trust that God has brought us this far. He's not going to forsake me in an airport in Germany. To those thinking about adopting, just know that you have to think about it in two ways. First by taking it one step at a time, facing each day with a prayer and fresh perspective. Second by keeping that long term picture in your mind. For me, it is having a 4th of July picnic with the kids running around outside playing. That is not so very far from now, and whatever we have to go through to get to that moment, will be but a memory when the 4th of July arrives. Summer trips to the zoo, picnics, gardening, and swimming with my three children is what keeps me uplifted and looking past the stresses of the present. God has good plans for us all.

Today was an even better day!!!!!

2010-03-04T12:47:00.000-08:00

Our dossier is en route!!!!! It was a crazy day with Andy in tow. We went to the bank for three papers to be notarized, to the courthouse to have the notary certified, then off to Frankfort for the apostille to be put on all papers. They told me I had to go to the Frankfort (Franklin) county courthouse to have the state police checks notary certified, so off we went to do that. Then back to the Capitol building where we picked up our papers, paid the lady $170, and off to eat. Andy was very well behaved the whole time. We then travelled back to the house to get the address, packaged up the dosser in plastic wrap and an extra document mailer, and headed off to the post office. Now some people mail post office, some fed ex, some dhl, and other UPS. I went post office, no reason really. After filling out a ton of papers there, and giving them $128, we were relieve of our duties as dossier holders. It is now in the hands of the USPS.....and I'm a nervous wreck. I just want it to get there in one piece, be accepted, and us to have already gone to get our kids and back home. LOL, not going to happen in one magic Thursday though. I was turning green at the post office while handing this over, I hadn't realized how attached I was to a stack of papers. Something very cool happened though. As I'm standing there holding up a growing line of customers, I peak behind me and there's our Preacher. Cool! So that is today. A good day! A very good day!

Today is a good day.

2010-03-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

Today is a very good day, because I made one small step forward with our dossier, and most importantly.....my most very favorite candy that appears around Easter time was discovered to be gluten FREE! Okay, so I've mostly given up white sugar when I kicked out the gluten, and will probably be reeling from the side effects of my actions today, but who cares. Peeps are gluten free! I only ingested...maybe six of these delicious little birdie confections filled with loads of sugar and bad dyes. So today was a good day. Hahaha thank God for the small enjoyments in life. Today mine came as a blue bird :) Tomorrow it will come as something better I'm sure.

It isn't easy.

2010-03-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

Well, I have no idea when we're going to get this dossier in the mail. My hope is still by the weeks end. Adopting is not easy. We've had so many trials in the last two years. So many highs that were crushed when we did not become parents to hoped for kids, and we are so looking forward to having Anna and Tanner home. It isn't easy. There are these points in the process where one can just break down and cry, hoping that one thing can just go right that day. One paper can go right. One notary found. This is definitely not the journey for the faint of heart. Collecting all of the papers necessary to adopt, having all people involved sign them to the Department of Adoptions specifications, notarized a certain way, and then redoing them over b/c they were not done to such specification... is taxing.

Sacrificing holidays, family time, and on John's part....sleep to work and save every single day for two months, is taxing.

Making enough money to fund such a large expense....is taxing.

Working towards overcoming the fears associated with flying, being in a foreign place, and going through a completely new adoption process in said foreign place...is scary and taxing.

And...we haven't even made it to the parenting two orphans with Down syndrome who will be a part of our lives forever.

I know it will be amazing, but I would be lying if I said I weren't a little nervous. I mean, it's a big job to think about adopting two children with special needs who have been living in an orphanage in a country that does not speak English. One would think that the process to getting to these kids and taking on such a lifetime task would be simple......

It's not.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. I want to scream, throw something, cry, and yet I still praise the Lord for bringing me this far.

I have to hold on to the hope that through this all, I will be stronger....We will be stronger.

It would be nice if we could make great progress tomorrow.

Either way I'm going to grow. I'm going to learn how to be more patient, or I'm going to learn the joy of sending my paper "baby" off. I will be so glad to not have that thing in my home. It has become an entity in itself. An object that has presented so much stress this week, one that I guard with a fierceness against all stain inducing agents (no drinking coffee near the dossier folder), and one that I will be glad to relinquish yet will still have a hold over me until it is approved.

I wonder if the adoption process is similar to pregnancy in that you hate the labor part, but it becomes a distant memory once the child(ren) arrive. Maybe that's why there are so many RR families adopting for a second or third time.

Not sure.

2010-03-02T02:27:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how much Andy and I are going to get done today, but the tentative plan is to drive one way a few hours to get the notary certified that signed the hubs work plan. Drive another way to have two last minute papers notarized, and then hope to make it to the capitol for appostilles to all papers. Should all of that happen by 3pm today, we'll mail the dossier off. However, since that is not likely, I would give my best guess that it will be mailed off tomorrow! I am excited. I'd like to find a fireproof, snow proof, earthquake proof, envelope to send it off in. Should I ever design one that is low cost and light enough to mail cheap, I could make a fortune. This dossier really is protected like a child in a way. Sure there are mistakes made, but we work hard to correct them in a timely fashion. Just like some parts of parenting ;) LOL, I'm even nervous to send this little thing off on it's own over the sea. Hoping it is carried safely into the right hands. So if you are praying for us, please pray that this dossier is mailed safely by tomorrow evening, and that we get a quick travel date. I might actually get to meet my kids soon! I'll let you know when this baby is mailed.

It's March

2010-03-01T06:27:00.000-08:00

I had hoped that I would be in country meeting my children at the end of March. It's not going to happen. I had hoped to have my dossier in the country by the end of January. It didn't happen. God had a plan in this though. I believe I know what it was. You see, John was promoted, and is scheduled to begin his new position in two weeks. Had we left at the end of March, it would have put him in a very awkward postition. He would have moved to a new position, and then bailed leaving the other guys to cover him. He was a little nervous about that. So, now he gets the whole month to get everything in order. Oh how I hope we can get this dossier out this week though, and travel in April. I will turn 26 in April. It seems like a good time to be in country with my newest littles. I'm just itching to meet them, the anxiousness I have to meet them is overriding the fear of flying. Maybe that was God's plan as well. When we first committed to Anna and Tanner I was sick for two weeks with nerves about flying. Now I'm so impatient to meet them I don't even care about the plane (although don't hold me to that statement come time to board the plane), I'm just ready to get there and hold them and bring them home. So it's March. I have high hopes for March. A submission of our dossier, cheap flights, a travel date, warmer weather, and so much more. I guess I won't be starting seedlings for a garden this year. There won't be anyone here in the critical time for planting.

Amazingly Blessed

2010-02-25T15:44:00.001-08:00

Wow, does God know what He's doing or what! He led us down this path to these children. In doing so, he has brought me and my sweetie closer. I never thought John would give so much of himself to do this, but he has. The Lord led has provided a way for us to adopt these children financially, even though it didn't look like we'd be able to do it in the beginning. Although I must share that I carry the kind of jump in and follow the Lord kind of faith, and really knew that He would provide. The Lord made the biggest move in our lives. One that will impact our lives forever. He led us to a church that John didn't mind stepping foot in. One that encouraged us that first day to put our feet to the pavement, and be good Samaritans. A church that appealed to John, as none have ever appealed to him before. One that is filled with people who truly shine with God's love. One that sent a Pastor to our house tonight to offer encouragement, prayer, the name of a good appraiser, and another very amazing gift. I don't have any words. For this gift was great in and of itself, but means so much more to the spiritual level of this house. Amazing! I am filled with praise for the Lord, for his uplifting movement today, this day that has been filled with so many struggles with our paperwork.

The food :o)

2010-02-23T13:19:00.000-08:00

Haha I didn't even think to address this, although I've blogged about it a few times in the last few months. I think John and I are both very excited about eating many of the foods characteristic to the country our kids are living. When I blog about taking food for John, it's not because I don't think there will be thing there that we can't eat. Well being celiac, there will be things I can't eat. However, it's because my hubby is....well...interesting if he doesn't eat. By this I mean, if we take a four hour car trip to visit relatives, he has to stop and eat, and he usually plows through the stock of granola bars and treats I pack along. He's the most wonderful husband a wife could ask for. He does however, get a little grumpy when he get's hungry. As long as there is food around for him to eat, he's good to go. Now, he knows how incredibly blessed he is to be in a position to be able to eat regularly, and doesn't take it for granted. He has been through deployments where he's not been able to just eat at any time. So he can handle himself, but I plan on taking many things for him to munch in a tight spot, just to keep things running smoothly. It's kind of the joke, everyone has told us to be prepared to pack snacks for John. You know for him to pull out and snack between court and the in country paper chase. Most people hear about him eating so much, and then are surprised to meet a 6'1 man who weighs about 170lbs :) He's turning 30 this year, my prediction is that those eating habits are going to catch up with him soon. Atleast I feed him healthy, because if he ate that amount of food in junk, his heart would be a mess. I wonder if the kids will have big appetites. Andy sure does.

All of that wintertime planning :)

2010-02-23T06:28:00.000-08:00

Looks like the wait time to travel has increased to 5-10 weeks after submission of the dossier. So it appears that we will be heading over there in warmer weather. LOL, I bought mostly cold weather clothing, but that's okay. I bought a size larger than I thought they would fit, just in case. So I'll be making a handful of summer dresses for miss Anna in this new longer wait period. Oh well. I've said it before, the hubs needs a lot of food to survive, so now we will just have more space in the packs for food. You know since we don't have to pack extra sets of long underwear. I am so ready to hold my kids in my arms though, and get this plane ride over with. We are thinking of things we would like to donate to the orphanage if we can get the funding together. I like the thought of giving new shoes that are easy to get on the kids feet. We'll see how it goes. I don't really know what people donate to the orphanages, but I know we're packing light, and will have a whole extra bag that we can use for goodies. Gah, I hope and pray it's more on the 5 weeks and not the 10.

Some thoughts and questions.

2010-02-22T05:42:00.000-08:00

We've probably all heard the controversy surrounding the R-word these days, and I'm curious. It was likened to the N-word a few weeks ago, which outraged many in the African American community. I wonder why. A few of my friends have commented how they can see how both words could equate. Both terms are hurtful, both terms offend a group of people who were born the way they are, and cannot change the way they were born. There is another Anti-gay statement on television that is getting much more attention and understanding. The statement reads "You're so gay is not a synonym to you're stupid." In fact it's becoming more taboo to insult someone by calling them gay, but still publicly okay for people to insult others by calling them a "retard." How can that be? Is it because people with intellectual delays are seen as not having feelings? They do. They feel. Is it because they are seen as a lesser human being? I am wondering about that? I mean in this country we screen pregnancies at 20 weeks (just four-five weeks from viability) to see if the baby has Down syndrome. At that time, over 90% of the mothers who are told their babies have this, abort them. Why? It's not like the quality of life for most people with Down syndrome is so terrible that they will never be able to survive outside the womb. Although even then, we would choose life. I just don't understand why it's okay to kill these babies. Some parents will say they just cannot handle that as if having a typical child is going to be a guarantee to health and perfection forever. It's not. I would hope that people might give their babies a chance to live with Down syndrome. I mean look at the rate of autism in our society today. There's no prenatal testing for autism. Why is it okay to go on and accept that, but not Down syndrome? The whole attitude towards this baffles me.

It Came!!!

2010-02-18T11:14:00.001-08:00

We got our immigration papers. If all goes well our dossier will be on it's way to Eastern Europe next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Notary, notary...where art thou?

2010-02-17T05:08:00.000-08:00

Well, the first round of papers signed by a notary were all wrong. The seal had been placed over ink making it not up to par for our kids' country. So round two....except people here think we are in a blizzard with only 4" of snow on the ground. So, I am pursuing a new one. We are still waiting on the 171, but I still have my hopes up that our dossier will be ready to submit by next Friday. Please snow....stay away! Please. Thank you. If I stay in country for the whole six weeks or so, it looks like I'll be celebrating my 26th birthday in country.

In other news, I have celiacs disease. That ought to make for an interesting trip. It also kind of dashes my hopes to one day own a bakery. I love to bake, and have the most fantastic recipe for homemade yeast doughnuts that rival a favorite bakery's goods. Oh well, at least I can take charge and feel better. It's been a whole new learning experience learning to cook things that taste good without gluten. I tried to move the rest of the family this way, and they played along for a while. It did Andy "some" good. He'll probably eat like I do, but John is not the biggest fan. He likes to eat healthy, but I've spoiled him with gluten filled whole wheat brownies, muffins, and cookies over the years. Well dreams change, mine to open a bakery could very well just mean I need to have a whole house full of kids ;o)

And in even more boring news, because really we all want to hear about this dossier submission, and anything else can not even stand in comparison.....But I'm mentioning it anyway. I call this nesting.

This chair was bought for my Grandma, by my Poppy, when my mother was a little girl. I was rocked in this chair as a little girl. My grandmother gave it to me when I was pregnant with Andy. And I absolutely love it. I am one of around I don't know maybe 15 grand kids, so to get this chair was pretty special. Although I love it, John does not love it's effect on the feet. It *does* tend to assault the feet at any give point without advance notice given to the forthcoming assault. So, for the last few years it has been tucked away in the attic. However, I wanted this chair downstairs. I wanted it front and center to where all the activity goes on. I want to knit in this chair while the kids play around it in the floor. I want to rock them in this chair. I want to snuggle them with a lap blanket, and a good book before bed time. So I moved it into the action sandwiched between a bookshelf and Little Tikes picnic table. It is my hope that this strategic placement will protect my sweet husband from an all out war between the chair and his feet.

So the chair is out, the toys are ready (I even have Holly Hobbie dolls from 1970 for Anna), clothes are in the drawers, bring on the rest of the family.

I do have...

2010-02-13T05:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I posted about not having photos or memories of the kids when they were born. I've been thinking it over, and what I do have is so amazing. It doesn't bother *me* that I don't have those memories for the children, but it did bother me that they wouldn't have them. However, what we have is pretty amazing.

We have photos of the children (and a good plenty) when they were toddlers. They were cute, tiny little things. We also have ALOT of recent photos of them from when another lady (Elizabeth) was there in September. That's pretty big. Most parents who adopt internationally are only given one photo. Usually that photo is very different from the child they actually see once they meet their child. All of these photos I hold dear to my heart.

I also have the most wonderful husband in the world. Oh yeah, I'm waxing all lovey today since it is the day before Valentine's Day. We aren't really celebrating this year with gifts and dinner. In fact I haven't been alone for an evening or a day with my husband since last June. In early July we opened our home to the last foster kids we had. Baby was so weak and sick that his doctor recommended not taking him out in public for four months. So we didn't. We also didn't want to have respite, because it would have confused both of the kids. Then they left, and we had committed to Anna and David, thus my sweetie dove into a lot of overtime hours. So here we are approaching Valentines Day with so much more than chocolate and flowers. We may not have newborn memories, but we have a lot more love through this. Best of all, these children are getting an incredible father. One who is already devoted to them, and has given so much of himself before even meeting them. That' pretty awesome! I think that although they may not know much about their beginning, they will know and feel love all through their futures.

I don't have any.

2010-02-12T10:35:00.001-08:00

We are so praying that our 171 arrives quickly due to the new election in the country our children are currently living. Please keep us in your prayers that we can expediate the process and get to them quickly.

I sat recently after my lil one had gone to bed, and read through the blog of a family who recently had the blessing of a little surprise. Their little girl was born to them with Down syndrome. As I read through their very real feelings toward this surprise and the amazing photography, I began to think about our two children.

I do not have any memories about their entrance into this world.

When Andy was born, John bought me my first digital camera. It wasn't anything truly special, but wow was it ever a gift. I took literally thousands of pictures of Andy throught his first three years. Then the camera broke.

I have memories of Andy's birth, traumatic as it may have been, they are still precious memories. I have memories of him nursing, of his soft hair on my cheek at 2 in the morning, of his ability to capture my heart with his first breath. I don't have these for Anna and David. Therefore, they will not have these.

I looked at the photos on this blog, and wondered if my little girl looked like that when she was a baby. I don't think I had ever seen a newborn wit Down syndrome before. They are the cutest little peanuts.

We'll make new memories. Memories of the first time we meet, of our first hugs, first shared smiles. Memories of trying new foods, learning to read, talking the same language. There will be so many more memories to make, that I do not mourn not having known them before this time, but I do feel sad that they did not have the love a mother for so long. There are no pictures of them as infants in my arms, knowing that my heart belonged to them from the very beginning.

Hopefully they will know through this blog, that will one day be printed and closed, how much I loved them from the very beginning of my knowing they were out there in the world.

Good News!

2010-02-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

Well as much as I had wanted to submit our dossier last week, we all know what happened with USCIS. They never received our homestudy, and then said they were taking 70 days to process from receipt. Well last week when I found this out, we made sure that the homestudy was send. I emailed today to check the progress being made, and the lady confirmed receipt, and said that she hoped to have it adjudicated in the next week!!!!! So hopefully we'll have it within the next two weeks and be able to submit our dossier before the months end. We might actually make it to country and see our kids by the end of March or very early April!!!! Praise the Lord for this.

Galatians

2010-02-10T06:13:00.000-08:00

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Galatians 5:22

The above has to be one of my most favorite verses in the Bible. One of these days I am going to take a notion, and paint this verse on one of my walls as a very large reminder to live this way. I just love how the Bible gives us so many ways in which our lives can remain simplified and peaceful. I try to remember this verse above, and I try to live by it. If we strive to live with love, peace, and joy in our hearts, how can we go wrong? If we approach our marriages with patience, kindness, and faithfulness, then we have the recipe for success. If we set out to face the world with goodness, we cannot lose. Oh sure there will be bumps in the road, set backs, fear, bad circumstances, and many other things to try to derail us from our attempts to live a life full with the fruit of the spirit. It is our constant devotion to live this way that will help us during those times. Our lives have been filled with times of desperation, tears, and much adversity. I like to think that I hold on to the Bible's truth, and this is how we have overcome those difficult times. That is how we find a way to smile through adversity. I am so grateful for the Bible's guidance and presence in my life. I have had a few setbacks recently with our paperwork, I have a lot of worry about leaving my child and going to another country, finances are a worry, the knowledge that I will have to fly on a plane provides a constant onset of sudden panicky feeling, but I know that if I approach these with the fruit of the spirit, all will truly be well. So the panic fades, I redo the paperwork with a fresh attitude, my little one will be in good hands, the money will be there, and people fly on planes all day every day. It will truly do no good to worry about these things incessantly. All that will do is allow the enemy to attack me, provide doubt, and take my eyes off the reason we are doing all of this in the first place. I am of the belief that if we keep reminding ourselves that things are scary, they will be scary. It's true that if we jump in with a good attitude, even if things are scary, they will be more enjoyable or atleast less fear inducing. Either way, I chalk it up to a win. Just part of the fun of living by the fruit of the Spirit. :)

Today

2010-02-09T09:08:00.000-08:00

Today started off like this:

A sweet lil boy playing with his puzzle, following the rules, and generally having a great morning.

Throw in a little of this:

One rambunctious new kitty that we adopted from a crying cashier at walmart. Kitty who is now known as Purty Tabbi Garfield, is a very good kitty, and a very good friend to Andy. Andy has taken his cue from the kitty and decided that he to will be a kitty for the day. Once he gets into character there is no turning back. He answers your questions in mewing, crawls on all fours, and pretty much maintains his new cat persona for a long while.....sometimes a very long while. Today though, Momma had this great idea.

That is how we got this:

Today's frugal tip...have fun with homemade facepaint. 1T of shortening, 2T cornstarch, a little water, and some food coloring. Voila...now we have two cats :)

I am so blessed to be....

2010-02-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

I am blessed to be called Momma. Although for the better part of last week, Andy has requested that he be allowed to call me Mister Muster. I told him I wasn't a mister, so he's calling me Ma'am Muster. Usually though, I get to be Momma. It's the absolute best job in the world. Oh I like to be a wife to my sweetie as well, but being a Momma is the greatest. As a wife I'm half of a whole. As Momma, I'm separate. My role as Momma was created and defined for me when I was created. I know it was. I've always been the nurturing type. I even nurture my own Mom (she doesn't like the term Momma). When my now teenage sisters were born, I was beside myself. They were my babies, and I loved to nurture them (well I still do). It kills me that soon they will be adults, and there will be less opportunities to backseat mother them. However, God has been so gracious to bless me with children of my own. Whether adopted, biological, foster, rented (j/k on the last one) I've enjoyed mothering children. I am so looking forward to Anna and David coming home. It's a whole new journey. Each child is different, and requires a different mothering style. So I definitely look forward to our kids coming home and learning how they like to be loved. We are very blessed to be given this opportunity. I look forward to the days when our house is full of little feet and little voices declaring that Momma is on their team :) I guess todays post doesn't really have any huge insight or information, just that I'm having a good parenting day and look forward to these days magnified by more little people in the home.

A glimmer of hope for the coming week.

2010-02-04T13:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been in contact with USCIS again today. They have said that as soon as they receive our homestudy they will make our case priority. In a way I feel guilty that I feel like our case is more important than the others, and maybe it would make some people angry. However, I know that if I were adopting an infant, and there was a couple out there in our situation, I would want the urgent case to go first. Alot of the Reeces Rainbow kids are living literally on borrowed time, they do not get many second or third chances. We are these kids second chance, and I am going to do whatever I can to expedite this. Unfortunately that's not a whole lot. Our homestudy agency did call me this afternoon, and request new medical forms to be faxed to them. We do not have a fax machine, but there is one in the next town over where Kroger is. It should be noted that if we do another adoption, we will be buying a fax machine. It would most definitely come in handy. Anyways, I faxed over the required papers, and now I'm just praying they were able to get our homestudy in the mail TODAY. I'm also praying that the lady at USCIS really does get right to work on processing our I171, and that we get this paper very soon. I don't really have a major complaint, we've been fairly smooth sailing with these forms so far. The appraisal form was a buggar, but not as stressful as this one. I have a great God though, and since He called us to do this adoption, I have to believe that He will help us through this. If it's delayed then I do everything I can to speed it up, after that I have to trust the reason for it's delay. I just hope that no one else ended up with my homestudy. It has a lot of personal info, and if it didn't make it to USCIS, where did it make it to?

I am so sad...

2010-02-04T06:03:00.000-08:00

Well I finally found a way to check on my I171, and you are not going to believe what has happened. They never received our homestudy. I am devastated. I've just been idly waiting assuming everything was in order since January 4, and now I find out, only because I found a way to check on my status, that it isn't anywhere near making it's way to my house. In fact the homestudy agency said it can take 70 more days. I don't even have words for that. I've been very prompt on my part. The orphanage agreed to keep the kids for us (and not transfer to a mental institution), but they are expecting up to travel in March. I am just sick over this. I was told to write a letter to our senator or representative to explain the kids case, and hopefully that would speed things up a bit. I just can't believe this.

My car was searched....by a stranger.

2010-02-03T10:01:00.000-08:00

When I got into my car today, I noticed that my glove box was open, and so was the sunglasses compartment. That was very strange since neither my husband nor myself have been in the car glove box recently. I should keep my doors locked (and will from now on), it's sad that my own personal vehicle in my driveway isn't safe from intruders. Did I mention that we have 14.5 acres of land in a very small town not to far from here that we plan on building a house on? The day we do that could not come to soon. Oh well, I guess the joke is on whoever trespassed into my car. Perhaps they were looking for a garmin, tomtom, ipod, speakers, laptop, or some other high priced item. They didn't find one. My husband is a techy guy, but we do not have any of those items in the car. My car had a Bible, socks, half a bag of GF cereal, a sippy cup, and five or six other kid items. It had a big bag of pennies (they didn't take these), and the only expensive thing in the car was the carseat. We do not store up our treasures on earth, maybe they should inquired about that before they decided to trespass. We're storing up treasures in Heaven. No money required. Today that paid off, we didn't lose out on anything, because we didn't have anything.

I tracked them down.

2010-02-02T12:36:00.001-08:00

Well I didn't really track them down, and I'm sure that most of you already know about this if you are adopting. But hey, I'm new at this latter part of the process. So I'm still impatiently waiting on our I171, and finally I just called USCIS. Unfortunately after very prompt 30 second intervals of phone waiting, I was given an email address specifically for this type of inquiry. So I *should* know within two business days where this form is.

It's February

2010-02-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

Image found hk.myblog.yahoo.com/
calebfellowship
article?m...tion=next

Here I am learning a new way of cooking, playing with my little, making a few clothes, and waiting....waiting....and waiting some more. It's February! I thought by today we would be able to submit our paperwork. I meet with the notary on Friday to notarize the last few documents, and will take them to the capitol on Monday to be apostilled. However, it's not the paperwork on my end that I'm waiting on. It's the I171 we are still waiting for. I don't even know if they have all the papers needed. I tried to call to check the status, but the automated phone voice guy, hung up on me. So I am waiting. My hubby has to make a trip for work at the end of the month, but we were hoping to get a travel date soon after. Now I'm not sure when we will get it. I really, really, really want to meet our kids next month. The anticipation is growing.

Kinda guilty

2010-01-30T10:10:00.001-08:00

We've been going through this adoption process for a while now, and we have had many comments come our way. One of the most common is from people saying there is just no way they could adopt two children with special needs, and then proceed to call us saints. This makes me feel very uncomfortable. I understand they are coming from a good place while saying it, but we didn't do this to be saints. To be honest I feel very guilty when people say things like that, because I don't feel like we are doing a greater service to the children. Oh I know we are stepping up and possibly saving them from an institution, but most of the time that part doesn't register in my brain. What I feel, is that we are getting the most out of this. I feel like we are the ones who are benefitting the most. For the past few years I have yearned so much to have more children. We've had quite the journey getting to this point and these kids, and it feels like finally that desire will be fulfilled. I feel like I'm the luckiest one out of this. It doesn't feel very virtuous, or like we are rescuing anyone. It feels like these kids are my blessing. Well they are my blessing. They are an answer to my prayers. So I feel kinda guilty when others make these comments about how much we are doing. It just feels like we are the winners here :) I wonder if all adopting parents feel that way?

Andy says:

2010-01-29T07:11:00.000-08:00

"Man I wish Anner and Tanner were here."

Yes, he still calls his soon-to-be brother Tanner. I'm thinking we are going to have to actually name him David Tanner so that there's no confusion with Andy calling him Tanner. This morning we moved toys around (this keeps them new), and brought out the kitchen. Andy excitedly pulled out a paper pad, pencil, and a book that served as a menu. He invited me to sit at his table.....um...I think there's a weight limit to table. I don't meet it. Upon this realization, Andy declared his desire for Anner and Tanner to be here...now. He's getting as impatient verbally as I feel internally. We are all itching to submit our paperwork (come on I171) and get to the business of bringing these kids home. I sit and dream about this summer when all the kids are playing in the tree house John built, and this fall when we can take them all to the petting zoo and pumpkin farm, to pick apples, and hayrides. I just know that Andy will enjoy it all the more having little friends to share the experiences with. Gah, we just need to get them here. So Andy I wish "Anner and Tanner" were here also :)

Everyone should be so blessed.

2010-01-28T10:29:00.000-08:00

Post following, but first I want to reach out to those of you who may not be able to adopt but want to help the orphans. There is a littley boy named Kostya in the same orphanage as our little ones. He needs cataract surgery. Right now he is blind, but there is hope. Do you know what a cataract surgery can do? Amazing things. And get this, to restore sight to this little boy the cost is only $650. What a small price to pay for sight. Imagine how precious your sight is to you, wouldn't it be amazing to play a part in this little one being able to see.

Surgery for Kostya
Goal: $650

Help Kostya see. Kostya is a blind 2 year old boy at Kremenchuk Baby House. Elizabeth met him on her trip in 9/2009. He needs sight-saving surgery to remove cataracts from both of his eyes. He will need transport, along with a nurse, to Kiev to receive this surgery. Estimated cost for transport, nurse, lodging, etc is $650.

http://www.orphansbrightstar.org/projects.htm
http://www.orphansbrightstar.org/donations.htm
Please consider donating to this little one.

My post for today :)
Everyone should truly be so blessed to have an Elizabeth. A lovely woman who sends reassuring emails. A person who has been to the same orphanage, who has met your children, and who has a passion to stay connected to the family of the children. Because that's what the children who are there in the orphanage with your children are...family. She has been successful in relieving my fears about travelling to the Ukraine. Most of you know that I am petrified to fly. Absolutely filled with fear. Fear is not of the Lord, and thus, I'm working on it. In addition to that, I was worried about being in region and completely lost. That is why I am counting Elizabeth as a blessing. She has made a connection for us, and has a relationship with those in the Ukraine working with this orphanage. I cannot tell you, because I do not have words, how much that means to me. God must have known I would need that connection and guidance, because he sent us to this region and to these children. EEK! I could squeal with excitement, now if that I171 could get here, and I could get to my babies!

I'm Ready

2010-01-27T17:41:00.000-08:00

No big news today, but now I'm done waiting. I'm ready for my babies to come home. The waiting bug has finally hit. Up until now we were incredibly busy, but now it's just waiting. I'm ready to go get them.

Thank You! And to those who were wondering.

2010-01-25T10:08:00.000-08:00

I realized that I had not publicly acknowleged this, and have wanted to for a while. I want to thank those who donated to Anna and David before we commited to them. Both of these cuties had a larger grant sum, and I don't know who it was that made that happen, but I am forever greatful to you. Being able to adopt these two is....well I don't have words. But thank you to whoever you are for helping to enrich our family. You are a blessing to us.

And to those who are wondering. Anna and David are not biologically connected. I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked this since they are both five. Nope they are not legally or biologically brother and sister just yet. All of my children will become siblings to one another at the same time. How cool is that.

Is this the time....really? Probably.

2010-01-25T05:21:00.000-08:00

Ah the aroma of freshly brewed...tea? I have decided to give up drinking coffee. Caffeine is causing a lot of issues, and to be honest I was drinking a pot of coffee a day. Yeah, I was the jitter bug. So to wean myself down I scrubbed and put away the coffee maker, and am trying for one cup of tea a day. Right now it's Irish breakfast tea with a little truvia and milk, however eventually it will just be a cup of green tea. I'm starting to get a little anxious over this adoption. So far the focus has been on getting our paperwork in order, but now that we are just waiting on our I171, I'm starting to think about what is coming up.

I have to get on a plane. I have to leave the country my little boy is in. I have to manage my way around the Ukraine, and do not speak the language. I have to stop in one country and get on another plane. I have to survive weeks away from my little boy, and hope that no one is driving while texting when he is in the car, smoking around him, not making him eat his vegetables, and brushing his teeth every day. Of course he will not miss me. Part of his having Asperger's is that his attachment isn't emotional. He has no concept of time, and each day will simply be an extension of time with his grandparents. I do hope he'll want to come home once we come back though. I'm sure he'll want to come home to meet his brother and sister.

I am petrified of flying. Never flown, never wanted to. It does not make matters any better that there are people all over telling me about terrorist threats, people getting stolen, planes crashing, and more. Yes, I know this is a scary trip (for me at least). I just keep thinking that if we all stood scared and let that hold us back, we'll never be able to help anyone. I have to save these little ones. When Andy was born at 33 weeks I learned that a mother's strength is amazing. You can do things you never thought possible. To bring home my babies I will get on a plane, I will survive bringing them home on my own, and I will survive this small amount of time away from Andy.

I sure am looking forward to May :) This summer is going to be the best. We'll have all this crazy behind us, and be able to dive in to being a family. So yeah, this is the time to give up so much caffeine. It only makes me more nervous and jittery. Hopefully I'll be calmer in the Ukraine due to giving up this addiction.

Wouldn't you like a cutie pie?

2010-01-23T16:42:00.000-08:00

This is Mindy.

Isn't she so delicately sweet? She looks like she would just love to be held and sang to. She needs a mom and dad, and very soon. She is completely healthy, born Jan. 30, 2006. She only has a week until she will be transferred to an institution that she cannot be adopted out of. Don't you want her to be your little sweetheart? Or do you know someone who might?

waiting..decorating..waiting some more

2010-01-21T09:02:00.000-08:00

My sweet husband finally had a few days off this week, and what did he do? He began remodeling the kids room. This room had originally been two separate rooms, but he changed it into one huge room. We felt like for the time being, they should share a room. We have more bedrooms, but it didn't seem fair to make them sleep in a strange house alone in their rooms. I mean they've spent their lives in an orphanage with probably a hundred other children. So John takes over repainting and putting in another window. He had free reign over the color of the room, and let me tell you....I'm confused by it. At first it had that hospital green look to it, like pepto bismal green if pepto bismal were green instead of pink (are you following?), and then it dried into a sea type green. Like seafoam. So here I am trying to come up with creative ways to cover the walls :) I'm thinking of painting sea creatures on the walls, and giving it an ocean theme. Maybe a coral reef painted over Anna's bed. I don't know yet, but I must say that when the hubs gets to mix his own color paint, it truly is an original.

Being a mom is hard sometimes.

2010-01-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

Today was four year old check up day. Today was vaccination day. Today was a sad day. It's hard being a mom sometimes, holding down a child, while some nurse pokes him four times with a needle. I do not list that any where near my top 100 most enjoyable things to do. Andy is strong. Oh and his cries just broke my heart. It was incredibly difficult forcing him to be on the receiving end of pain. It had to be done though, and sometimes we have to do things that are not pleasant. I thought about bringing home David and Anna, and having their check ups. That has to be scary. A strange place offering scary checkups. At least to Andy, mama was there for comfort. I wonder if our newest additions will be angry with me for subjecting them to it, or will they understand that I am mama, and find comfort in having me by their side? I hope they will understand me as their mama, and find comfort in that.

It's a no.

2010-01-18T12:04:00.000-08:00

Our homestudy agency director (who has never met us) said she did not feel comfortable approving us for bringing three children with special needs home. I don't know why. We have foster parented three children with special needs in addition to our son before. No, they did not have Down syndrome or cp, but they had a lot of emotional issues and delay. I think there is a stigma surrounding Down syndrome even in the adoption world. They only see that Anna and David have Down syndrome not that David is completely healthy. Did I think bringing home three children with special needs would be easy....um...no. Who would? Did I think that if anyone could do it, we could? Absolutely. Two years ago when we started talking adoption, and had our initial homestudy we had to plead our case for this agency to allow us to have more than one child who wasn't a baby. Not everyone wants to adopt a baby. I wouldn't say no to a baby, and hope to have another in the house some day, but we wanted true orphans who really needed us. We were approved for two children up to age five with minor needs. Then we had to plead our case to have a special needs homestudy. Our path has taken a few winds and turns, and we have learned a lot about our abilities as parents along the way. There have been a few children that we could have had that we didn't accept, because we just knew that we could not meet their needs at that time. So it's not like we are trying to overwhelm ourselves. I'm just hurt by this, and don't know why. Maybe it's because I know what I am capable of as a mother, and hate when someone else puts a limit on that. This is not in God's plan. I can accept that. It doesn't mean it doesn't just stink though.

I don't know what will happen.

2010-01-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

I feel so blessed to be able to be on this journey to Anna and David. There is a connection that I feel now to those who are there with them, and I'm sure that it will deepen once we are there to see them. That is if we get to see them. All of the children with Reeces Rainbow are in need. They are all beautiful. I've let everyone know how drawn I am to Yasmine, who is also in the same orphanage as our little ones. This is not the same feeling I had towards Anna and David. We were initially inquiring about other children, and when I saw them I instantly knew they were our children. I have come to love many children over the last couple of years through this adoption journey. None have come to be forever ours. It doesn't mean that I do not think about them. I wonder about the baby born with CMV whose mother courageously chose to parent her child. I think about the foster children who we grew to love, and whom have moved on. The little boy with FAS that we were matched with, that did not go to completion. I wonder what they are doing, how they are, what their lives will be like. I feel drawn to Yasmine. It is still up in the air as to what that feeling will entail. I don't know yet if I am supposed to help find her a family, be her family, or just be a prayer warrior to her. We know that we cannot commit to her right now. If it were absolutely 100% meant to be in our hearts, then we would have already gone through the steps. However, God needs a little time to work. Like I said, I knew Anna and David were ours. We were waiting on God's leading, and He did so in a way that there just wasn't any question. I have only had that feeling one other time in my life, and that is when I married my husband seven and a half years ago. Most people would think it crazy to be 18 and marry a man they've only known for little more than three months. He was the man I prayed for. These are the children I prayed for. I want to save Yasmine. I just don't know what part I'm to play yet. However, I do know that God will lead me in the right direction. He already has the plan laid out. How wonderful that is to know, and how great it is that He helps to carry the burden. So I don't know what will happen, but I love that we care enough to find out. To let things unfold as they are supposed to, it is truly an exciting journey. My heart will break a little if we cannot be her parents, it will rejoice if we can find her parents, and it will sing once she has a forever family and is home. Our journey is to David and Anna, but wouldn't it be amazing if we could impact the lives of a few more children along the way. It remains to be seen just what kind of impact that will manifest itself as.

One other thing. Say a little prayer for the country of Haiti. I am so inspired by those who come from the rubble praising the Lord, and exclaiming that it could be much worse. To those of us on this side, we think that it just couldn't get any worse than that. How beautiful the spirit of those people are. I am inspired, and I hope that the hand of God continues to work through the country. This may be a true renewal for a country that has been in such despair for so long.

God loves you very much :)

2010-01-17T05:14:00.000-08:00

I love kid stuff. In my home I would rather have toys and kids than pretty much anything else. Well I'm pretty fond of my hubby to. It's just there are so many things out there geared toward children, and some of it is really cool. Veggie Tales for one thing. What kid doesn't want to hear that God loves them very much? Small sized kitchen things are also very awesome. Oh kid things don't have to be purchased to be awesome, I love the small toys my husband has turned out on the lathe just as much. I just think how amazing it is that there are these objects that are small enough for the cutest hands, and hold so many possibilities. I mean my mixing bowl is pretty much always a mixing bowl, but a kids can become a hard hat, home to a turtle, or any number of imaginable things. Maybe I love kid stuff, because exploring the world through a child's eyes is such a great gift of being a parent. Just yesterday Andy had a magnet walking around the house testing to see if the metal was ferrous or non-ferrous. One of the ways we stretch Andy to imagine is by doing little lessons with him. I like to do literature, Bible, and phonics since I did train to be an elementary teacher. John likes to do science type things. I love science to, but I get a kick out of the fact that John explains things to Andy like he's grown. How much of it he retains, I'm not sure. At this age I don't think it matters much.

I recently signed Andy up for little Bible lessons from the Mailbox Club. They send a lesson in the mail, and the children work through it and send back the end paper. Then they are sent another lesson. We were reading through the lesson at the table this morning, and even I was struck by the message. "Of all things God made, He loves people the most. God loves you! God made you, and you are very special to Him. He says that He has always loved you, He knows your name, and He knows what you look like. He knows all about you." Isn't that what our children need to hear? Isn't that what everyone needs to hear? It makes me think about those people living in the institutions in Europe, and let's me know that God does love them. I know that while those people are suffering here on earth (and oh how I'd love to be able to stop that), this time is short. They will be in Heaven. They will walk with Him. He loves them. He knows about them. He knows about us all. Veggie Tales are on to something...God loves you very much :) Smile, knowing that you are so special that you were created to be loved by Him.

One more post today...Ivanna needs a home.

2010-01-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

I'm on a roll today I suppose. I'm so relieved to have that appraisal paper taken care of. Anyways this post is about Ivanna.

Are you looking to adopt a smart, beautiful, child from Eastern Europe? She could be just the little darling you are looking for. Her time is VERY limited. Here is her description from Reeces Rainbow:

Ivanna (12)
Girl, Born October 2003
Ivanna is a beautiful angel with platinum blonde hair and striking blue eyes! She is 6 and needs a family immediately!
Ivanna has been waiting a long time, but God has never left her. She is another special child whose birth mother has remained active in her life, and who desperately wants a family to save her daughter from "disappearing" :( Ivanna is quite smart...she is teachable, lovable, and will really thrive in a family environment. She would be wonderful as the youngest child, where her other siblings are older and can focus all of their attention on her!

She is being transferred soon to the older child orphanage, ONE SHE CAN NOT BE ADOPTED OUT OF! Ivanna is healthy, and is able to eat, dress herself, walk, and is potty trained. I know there is a special family out there just for her! She does have ome orphanage behaviors, but we feel confident she will eb able to get through those quickly. She responded so well after she was visited for several weeks by some of our other adoptive families, and she knows the love of her mother! We need a family right away for Miss Ivanna!

More photos available, and a wonderful opportunity to have a semi-open relationship with her birth family!

If you think you could be this sweet girl's family contact Andrea at bamaroberts@comcast.net .

Let's Talk Biblical...or rant.

2010-01-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

Bear with me as I have no idea how long this post will be, or where it's leading. Just felt like writing it, and hey it's my blog :)

Our world is in despair. There is crisis everywhere. It happens, and no God is not to blame. My child falls down and hurts himself (sometimes frequently), and sometimes I cannot prevent it. I can pick him up, and kiss his minor injury. I can offer solace in his time of need, and if he falls when I am not around, hopefully someone else will offer a helping hand. Isn't that how our world should be?

I am fighting with negative feelings this week. There are so many people in need. We are told in the book of James that pure religion is to visit orphans and widows in their trouble. It also says that if a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food and one of you says to them "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?

How is it then in America that we hear the phrase "me time" so much? I hate that phrase I really do. What does that mean, I need to focus on myself more? Really? Now I'm all for recharging your batteries, but come on, those of us living in heated homes with well fed children have nothing so destitute that we need "me" time. A few moments from the chaos to rest in the Word, yes. A spa vacation....um, no? What is it that these people do that is so great and taxing that they are deserving of a luxary vacation? There are people living in makeshift huts in the middle of a bug infested desert in Africa with no running water and very little food. They need "me" time. They need some focus time on them. There are people with varied abilities tied to beds for so long that their limbs are permanently contorted in Eastern Europe. They need some "me" time.

I see videos of these people all of the time, and I think how thirsty they must be. My heart aches for them. There must be something we can do. Even if it's cancel the spa vacation (well okay I don't have money for a spa vacation and have never had a pedicure but if I did I'm just saying), and spend a little less time on "me."

Hey, I'm a sinner. I don't have any holier than thou attitude. What I have is an awe of how humanity has evolved. I think if a person can see the tragedy in Haiti, see the living situation in Africa, see the situation of the orphans around the world, and not do something, then there is a problem. For people so incredibly privileged to be born in America to complain so consistently about things that mothers in Africa could only dream of having, is appalling. Are we really so focused on "me" that the rest of the world doesn't matter? It's so sad.

I am angry that people can so easily close their eyes to the suffering of the world. I'm angry that "we" pay billions of dollars a year to sporting events, cable companies, nightclubs, etc, and so little to save others from suffering. I don't think everyone should give everything they have, but is a $100 pair of jeans really necessary. I couldn't even believe that jeans could actually cost that much until I went to a store one day with a friend, and there they were on the rack. Growing up poor caused me to have a sheltered life I guess.

I John 4:9
In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. 10 In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.

To clarify, I do not believe vacation is wrong. I don't think it is wrong to decompress. I do think it is wrong to turn a blind eye to suffering. I think it's wrong to complain all day every day if you have your basic needs met and more. The Bible doesn't say you have to give everything you have, but it does say do good deeds. It does say to help your fellow man. There are homeless and starving people in your backyard. Offer to help. Don't just offer sympathy, but actually do something. Most people who are reading this blog don't turn a blind eye. So to you, I'm sorry for ranting. It's just frustrating sometimes.
P.S. Could someone tell me why saying these things offends people? Is it less offensive to turn a blind eye to selfishness? Are the things said here untrue? It always seems to hit a raw nerve with people when talking about focusing less on self and more on others.

Wahoo!!!!

2010-01-16T08:14:00.000-08:00

We are officially waiting only on our I171, and our dossier will be complete. Well I have to have a few papers of ours notarized, but as far as collecting documents (appraisal paper included) we are finished. Today is a great day!

Can 4 thousand dollars fall from the trees?

2010-01-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

This is Yasmine

Hmm... I wonder if somewhere out there four thousand dollars can just fall from the sky? Probably not. I have heard miraculous stories about money showing up in a person's mailbox though. Wouldn't that be fantastic. We haven't had that kind of blessing. Ours came another way. My hubby has been blessed with a stable job that has provided him with overtime income. That has been a true blessing to our family right now. Our fundraising efforts didn't pan out the way we had hoped. We did raise about $100 between a bake sale of sorts and a donation from a lady my husband works with. Amazingly when we began this journey in November we had $1,000 to start with. I am happy to say that we are not to far from our goal, but now my heart is heavy. There is a little girl in the same orphanage as Anna and David (Tanner) that has been on my heart since day one. She is going to be six in June, and we all know what that means. She is at a significant risk for being transferred to an institution. I cannot imagine this little ray of sunshine being trapped in such a grim place. She has so much potential. My heart aches for her to be my daughter. I know we are adopting two children with special needs, and some would call me crazy for even mentioning a third. However, I cannot deny that this little girl has a piece of my heart. She has cerebral palsy, but can pull to a stand. From her pictures it is evident that she is joyful. She needs a mom, but is running out of time. Gah, don't ya just hate money. For us bringing home one more child is a matter of $4,000. It doesn't seem like much, but when you think about the amount we've already had to come up with, well it is impossible. I absolutely cannot ask my husband for any more. He has worked so hard to put money towards our adoption. To ask him for more money would be...I just couldn't do it. He knows I love this little girl. I know he would adopt her and love her in a heartbeat, but he has to think rationally. We do not have another $4,000, and will not have it in the next few months. Could we afford to have all three of these children here and be their parents? Absolutely. Parenting them and taking care of them once they are here is not the problem. It's the exhausting expense to get them here. This is not uncommon. The same challenge presents itself to many families. Such a shame. So where does that leave us. Well I don't think four thousand dollars is going to fall from the trees. However, I do know we have an amazing God. It would take an act of God to be able to bring home this little girl with Anna and David(Tanner). Who knows what could happen. If you know anyone with extra money laying around send them my way ;) LOL, just kidding....maybe.

It started as a dress...

2010-01-13T10:11:00.000-08:00

Well I had this fabric that started off like this:

It then transformed into this:

And there was just so much fabric left over...and I hate to waste fabric that I made this:

So one dress project for Miss Anna led to a matching apron for mama, and a set that looks like this:

Oh yeah, I'm that mom. The one who matches her daughter. I'm not ashamed. LOL, I think it's cute. Both came out much cuter than I had planned, especially since one of them wasn't even planned.

Sore fingers

2010-01-12T17:28:00.001-08:00

I spent the day sewing today, well and reading to Andy. He had a thousand books for me to read to him today. I think it's because I had a sewing project. My machine is a vintage Singer, and he hates the clunking sound. So his ultimate goal was to distract mommy. My project is almost finished. I hope to post pics tomorrow as it is something for Anna and something for mommy :)

New Names

2010-01-11T19:18:00.000-08:00

We have come to a decision about names. "Tanner" is not really his name. I believe that may have been given to him by someone else, but it is not the name on the petition to adopt we were given. Anna did however have the same name. So since "Tanner's" name is not really Tanner we've been debating on a change. It's not my favorite name. Although who doesn't love hearing Anner and Tanner. LOL. We thought we would ask Andy about it since we didn't want there to be any confusion for him when we bring the kids home since he has been referring to Tanner as, well, Tanner. He tells us he wants to name him Contraption J. Yeah, I feel sorry for his future children. We explain that Tanner isn't really the name he is called in his country, and tell him what he really is called. Then ask him if he thinks we should change, but not to Contraption J. Yes, we have decided that his name will be David. I say this and agreed to this for one reason. That is part of hubby and Andy's name, and it was the first thing my husband said when I asked if we should consider names. He's never made name suggestions ever. He always said I would just choose the one I liked in the end, but always told me to pick and he'd have veto power. This time the name came right to his lips, and I thought how sweet that was. He wants to name his son after him. His son already. (melting heart here) So David it is. I know we will all have a time adjusting to Anna and David, but it is just the right fit. Of course we'll keep his birth given name as his middle name.

So if you could follow that jumble, we'll be adding Anna and David to our family in the next few months.

Praise the Lord!

2010-01-10T12:23:00.000-08:00

He truly is providing for this adoption in so many ways, and I could not be more grateful. This is just meant to happen. We have had so many obstacles in previous adoption attempts, and this one is just falling into place. It was not our intent to pursue such a quick adoption, and we were worried about finances, but honestly He is guiding us. He called and we answered and it's all working well. Praise Him!

Owning a house a pain?

2010-01-09T10:37:00.001-08:00

Yes, sometimes owning our home can be a pain. Case in point: when it comes to adoption paperwork. We do not have a county appraiser, nor a mortgage, and so we are having difficulties finding someone who can sign off on our home specs. This one measly little piece of paper is causing all this strife. Bummer. I really do not want to have to hire an appraiser to come in and do the whole big process of appraising my home when they only need to know the bedrooms, square feet, and value. I never thought that not having a mortgage would be a pain. LOL, I'll take not having one don't get me wrong, just wish we could figure this out. We are teetering on the line of being done. We're just waiting on that I171 and this one paper.

mentally checked out...for the day

2010-01-06T10:44:00.000-08:00

There are some days when a person just really feels like they checked their mind out at the bed. This would be one of those days for me. I have responded to other people in a manner that pretty much says...hey looney lady here...get your tickets. We are in crunch time. It feels like crunch time anyway. I also loaded up Andy and went off to talk to the bank, only to realize that I had left my paper to be signed, at home. So not wanting to waste gas by driving all the way to the next town, we stopped by Hobby Lobby. They had their Simplicity patterns on sale for 99cents today. I picked one up to make a dress for Miss Anna. It's a forgiving pattern so that size isn't an issue. I wouldn't dare try to make it today though since my brain checked out. Who knows what that would look like. I laid to wrong meat out for dinner today. Thought the dishwasher was loaded, and ran a full cycle, only find out I had only loaded one rack. Yup, I'm that lady today. But only for today. I shall gather my bearings for tomorrow (and the winter storm that is approaching). I think for the remainder of this day I will put the adoption paperwork aside and read a book or something. Andy has requested a game of Candy Land later. I never win that one, maybe now that I've lost my marbles(temporarily) and find myself more on his level, I will win for a change.

The positive side of the day. Our completed homestudy arrived today all notarized and ready to go. I wasn't sure if we were going to get it since our worker left the country to adopt a baby from Ethiopia. However, she had finished it completely before she left. That's great to hear, now USCIS has everything they need.

Note: Should this post be grammatically incorrect...well see the title :)

Frugal Tip Tuesday

2010-01-05T08:14:00.000-08:00

There are so many things that a person can do with this wonderful box of white powder. I like to keep at least four boxes around at all times. I kept more around when we were cloth diapering. For today I will share my recent use for this versatile substance.
Dishwasher Powder!....That's right I use it to make my own dishwasher soap. It works wonderfully to. I was a bit skeptical at first, but I figure I use it for so many other things, why not give this a try. There are tons of recipes for it out there on the web to. I just put 1c of baking soda, 1c of borax(my other love), and three packets of plain unsweetened kool aid mix into an old jug and shake. I used an old plastic sugar jug that had been thoroughly washed. My dishwasher has a fill line for powder so I use that amount in the soap spot, and vinegar in the jet dry spot. It works wonderfully, and smells lemony fresh. I have heard of people using bleach in the jet dry spot, but I don't like harsh chemicals and am afraid it will somehow eat my dishwasher. So there you have it, my frugal tip for the week :)

USCIS...check

2010-01-04T15:57:00.001-08:00

We went to be fingerprinted today for our I600A to be complete, and now we are just waiting on that I171. Yay! Andy was a champ, and so was John. Usually John is the one to get overwhelmed and hungry on little road trips, but we packed up the cooler with lots of snacks. I guess I'll carry granola bars on me all through our Ukraine travels :)

Tomorrow

2010-01-03T06:05:00.000-08:00

We are headed out to the city tomorrow to have our fingerprints done for our I600-a. Then we are just waiting for that I171. Hopefully it will not be to late in coming. We still have a small ways financially to go before we can travel, but I think once the dossier is complete it can still take a month or so before travel. I'm so excited to see my babies soon. Andy prays for them faithfully, and I have to say that, I love it. We were worried about Andy. The doctors believe he has Asperger's, as do we, and well he doesn't show sympathy and understanding of others' situations. However, something about "Anner and Tanner" has really clicked with him. He is concerned about them not having a mom and dad, about how they are being cared for, and about getting every coin he sees anywhere into their coin jar. This adoption has brought about so many blessings already, and the biggest have yet to come!

A filled decade of crazy fun!

2010-01-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

It's 2010! This past decade has been filled with major life changes for me. What a roller coaster ride it has been. In the last ten years I have learned to drive a car, got my license, graduated high school, gotten married, gone to college, had a child, been a foster parent, bought a home, bought a large chunk of land, seen the ocean for the first time, learned to sew, and survived two of my husband's deployments. What a crazy decade. I would say it's time for ten years rest, but I think we've only just begun. At the end of the month we should be ready to submit our dossier, and the journey gets more exciting. Who knows in the next ten years how many more times we'll adopt, what course our lives will follow, and what excitement is to follow. God willing it will be a fun adventure. I think my marriage has settled into a comfortable spot. It's hard being married through deployments and readjusting once they are home again. Those times create such a strain on a marriage. I'm happy to say that ours survived and became stronger. After seven years I think we are in a nice place, and I'm so greatful for that. I am really looking forward to this new decade of excitment. It's unfathomable to think about my children being a teenagers at the end of it though. My how time is so fleeting. I look forward to treasuring each moment of this next ten years in a way that I have not been able to in the past. Praise the Lord for the New Year!

On the cusp of 2010

2009-12-31T05:04:00.001-08:00

Wow! Doesn't 2010 sound so futuristic? It did twelve years ago. Even in the late nineties it was hard to fathom what the world would be like in 2010. My how fast it arrived....well will arrive in a few short hours. We are looking forward to 2010. Our family will go through an amazing transformation in 2010. It is so fun to look forward and know that something huge is going to happen, and I have no idea what it's going to be like. Oh I know how to parent three children. For me this new year will hold a new adventure. I have never flown on a plane. I have never been to another country. I have never lived in another country. I have never been to an orphanage. I have never adopted children. I have not held Anna and Tanner in my arms. And to all this I say YET. By the time I write about 2011 I will have accomplished all of this. Not only that but I hope to say my marriage is stronger, I have helped three children bond with each other and live comfortably in our home, and run a half marathon! Most of my goals for the 2010 are family oriented, but there is that pesky half marathon that I hope to run in the latter part of the year. Five years ago I was 244lbs, and I've fought to be healthier ever since. However, I cannot run 13 miles....yet :) I figure if I am already taking on these unimaginable feats (and adopting two children Internationally is a both a financial and sanity huge mountain to climb), then why not also take on a half marathon. If we are here in April, then I'll be running my first 10k to benefit the Special Olympics here in my town. That ought to get me warmed up.

I hope to say at the end of 2010 that my spiritual walk with God is stronger. I know that I will need Him to lean on many times over the next 12 months. He is the only way we'll get through this journey in one piece. I hope to achieve more self control and devotion to the Lord. It is also my hope to be more like that Proverbs 31 lady. She had it right.

New Year's Eve is an exciting time for many. It is a fresh and renewed start to another year. A beginning of sorts or fresh continuum. For us this holds true. While I have a bit of an overwhelming spirit about the new year, but also so much joy about what we are going to do. Not only will my prayers to be a mother to more be answered, but we get to literally save two lives. Wow!

Wed. Plug for Aaron--Are you his family?

2009-12-30T05:31:00.000-08:00

Copy and pasted from :
http://trustedwithmuch.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A family for Aaron?

Allow me to introduce you to a beautiful little boy. His name is Aaron, he's 5, and he has just been transferred out of an orphanage to an institution. The orphanage has been his home for 5 years. It lacked so much, and yet it was all he knew, it was it's own kind of security for this little orphaned child.

Now this 5 year old boy is in an institution. An institution for the mentally and physically ill and disabled. A 5 year old is ripped from the arms of the only family he has ever known, to be taken away by strangers to another "family". Only this family has less love, less food, less medical care, less laughter, and even less hope. And let's face it, when I say family I am only saying the word. This is NOT a family, it is a holding cell for those with no hope of ever getting out. The likelihood of Aaron being adopted from here is slim at best. Each day he spends here he will regress until so much hurt is locked inside that only a shell will be left. The smile you see on his face will be one of his last if he is not soon broken free from walls of this orphan prison. He needs his mommy and daddy to ransom him NOW!

I just have this feeling in my heart that Aarons family is out there. Maybe they are a little out of the box as far as their view of what makes a good adoptive family. Maybe they look at their finances and think it isn't the right time. Maybe they have "raised" their kids and think they are too old to start over.

But maybe, just maybe they will turn to God and ask what HIS plan is, what are HIS thoughts, where does HIS heart want them to go. Maybe, because they know how awesome God is, because they know that ALL THINGS are possible with GOD, just maybe they will "leap knowing that they will either be taught how to fly or there will be something solid for them to stand on!"

It is my prayer that Aaron cries at night for a mommy to come and love him. I pray he cries because that means hope is still alive in his little boy heart. He wants a daddy to take him fishing, he wants a mommy put a bandaid on his skinned knee, he NEEDS a mommy and daddy to say "YOU ARE WORTH IT!". He needs to hear them say, and live out the attitude of, I will "walk through any fire for you" my son, for you are worth it!

Do you have the courage? Do you have what it takes to walk this journey? Are you willing to let God, by grace, fill in your cracks so that Aaron gets his family? Don't be afraid, Gods heart is for the orphan! God's strength is sufficient. Be the vessel through which God gives Aaron his miracle!

Personally, I think everyone should be looking at themselves in a mirror and asking God "Will you send me?" You need to realize that Gods glory shines brightest from imperfect situations, not perfect ones. So don't look at the can nots. Pray to God to reveal to you the CANS!

And if I don't have you yet, I think Aarons mom and dad should take a look at this picture of their son, dont' you?

[the picture is big, so click on it to see it all!]

Lip Balm Mania!

2009-12-29T18:00:00.000-08:00

I love making products, especially ones that smell good. For a long time I made soy candles, then tried my hand at soap, and now I've tried my hand at something new. Lip Balm! I am selling these to add to our adoption fund. For now they come in choco-mint, cherry blast, and simply honey. If they are popular then I'll make another batch with more variety to choose from. These provide a nice rich coating for the lips, and are the size of your typical chap stick. They are $2.50 a piece + $2 shipping for any size order. So the more you order the better the deal will be. I am taking payments via my chipin or you can email me at takishaknp@yahoo.com for more options.
(disclaimer: these are hand made by me therefore not perfect, but perfectly made with love)

fun fundraiser

2009-12-29T08:20:00.001-08:00

Stay tuned for this evening around 8pm I'll be posting my new fun fundraiser, that I have had such a wonderful time making. I hope that the response will be great, and that people will love it. For those who know me away from the net, I'll be selling these in person.

Happy Birthday Tanner!

2009-12-27T16:07:00.000-08:00

From the records I believe that today is Tanner's birthday! I know they probably do not celebrate in the orphanage, but a little part of me is celebrating. He has a family who loves him, and this is going to be his (and Anna's) year to come home. I like to think he knows we are coming for him, although I know in reality he probably does not. Still the heavenly Father loves him, and I hope that on this day He will wrap him in extra love for me. I love my little five year old boy so much already. So even though he may not be aware of the day, this fifth birthday holds more hope than previous birthdays. For that I am rejoicing!

Not even the Grinch

2009-12-26T07:16:00.000-08:00

Not even the Grinch could have stood in my home about half an hour ago, and kept his tiny little heart with bad attitude. My son, my sweet little boy, took three of his six Christmas dollars, and put them into our "Anna/Tanner" coin jar. He said now we had lots of money for Anner and Tanner to come home :) Oh yeah, my heart just melted. I don't even have the words to describe the feelings just felt over such a small but large gesture.

So full of JOY!

2009-12-24T05:24:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning so full of JOY! My hubby is working an eighteen hour shift today, and will be home at midnight. So that leave Andy and myself to spend the day together. Under normal circumstances, the old me, would have moped about not having my husband home on Christmas eve. In the past John would be absent from Christmas eve due to National Guard duties, and I would so loathe not having him. This year he chose to be away from home, and for such a good reason. In this time of economic turmoil, we are so blessed for him to have the job he does. It is truly a blessing for him to be able to be away this day to earn extra money towards our adoption. So why am I full of joy and sharing this thing about my hubby working?

Well, we (Andy and I) finally have a church to go to tonight for service. That is one of the best blessings of the year. To be building a church family is something I have always wanted. Oh and my husband asked me why we didn't just join the church last night!!!!! Um...yes you read that right. The previously anti-organized religion having hubby wants to join a small southern Baptist church down the road. I could have fallen over. I told him we would continue to go for a while longer, as I think there are steps to take in joining a church. Wow! How can I not be full of joy with the transformation that my husband is making, and that our family is going through.

My second reason for being full of joy? Well my beautiful children. Most people who know me or have read my other blog, know how much I value being a very involved mom. I have had so many sad moments in the past thinking about our son growing up an only child. He needs friends that will be here with him for life in that sibling bond. I always thought I would mother lots of children. It's about the only thing I do well. Or at least the only thing I feel I do well. What better job is there than being able to mold, teach, and love a small person for 18+ years? Anyways, not five weeks ago we committed to those beautiful little people in the pictures at the top of the blog. Such a short time ago our lives took a very big turn. I'm so excited for Anna and Tanner to be joining our family, for me to mother them, and for Andy to have siblings. Our lives are about to become very chaotic over the next few months, but how awesome that in five months we'll all be home settling into family life.

So much to be joyful for!

Greatest Gift of All!

2009-12-23T13:47:00.000-08:00

Caleb's Country Crafts
Christ was born, but that wasn't His greatest gift. I know this time of year we like to celebrate the birth of our Savior, and that's because without the birth could not have been the death. His death is the greatest gift of all. People are having a hard time fathoming that John really did NOT buy me any Christmas gifts this year. Guys are jokingly asking him if he truly bought that request, but I am here to tell you that it is in deed true. What he did do was work two extra 18 hour shifts this week so that we could put that money into our adoption savings. How could I ask for a better earthly gift than that?

Although really for anyone who does not have a gift under the tree, you still have the greatest gift of all. Jesus was born to us, and died for our sins. He was born and perished so that we could have everlasting life. What better gift is there than everlasting life? How could any gift given or not received this season compare to that?

To all I wish you a Merry Christmas from the Knapp family. I hope everyone can truly find joy this week, take a moment to remember why this time of year is special. And come back to read my blog after Friday, I'll be back to regualr fun blogging!

Goodies in the Making!

2009-12-21T12:01:00.000-08:00

When our son was born, I did not find myself a very crafty person. Although I wanted to be. I knew how to make the most basic crochet chain, and possessed some rudimentary culinary skills. In the last five years, this is something about me, that I have worked daily to change. There was a time when procrastination and television could fill an entire day. Now those things stand to drive me mad, hence the home without cable.

These days I like to try something new, stretch my imagination, and learn what new things I am capable of. Now I can bake things that people love to eat, and I have learned to sew.

My husband has also stretched his creative muscles in the last few years, with the acquisition of a used lathe. I am always so critical of the things I sew, but stand in awe of the things my husband can take a hunk of wood and transform.

There are goodies in the making. These things we will be selling, and use the money towards our adoption. They will be available after the New Year, so stay tuned! I'm so excited, as some of these things are girly things...I love to make girly things.

Movies have changed.

2009-12-19T17:02:00.000-08:00

Since our foster babies have gone, and we are not buying for each other this year for Christmas, we thought we would have a low cost family outing. Our family does not emphasize Santa Clause for our son, and he just doesn't see the logic in how this person could possibly be real. I didn't make a big deal on trying to deceive him for fear that he would set up an idol in his heart for Santa. So many children get so focused on Santa that they forget the true reason for celebrating the Christmas. Our child has a one track, very focused mind that would most definitely be focused on Santa if we put a lot of emphasis on it. Anyways, he saw Santa today. There was a nice little cookies, carriage ride, Santa show at the local shopping center. The best part about it, was that it was free. Andy got to see Santa. He asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He said, "I know what I want, I do, I know what I want." Although he never did tell the man what he wanted. He did go on to tell him about his brother and sister that were coming though. How cute :) We followed this visit with a matinee showing of Disney's Christmas Carol. I had no idea this was going to be so brutal. It was scary. Most definitely NOT for a four year old. Now I've read Dickens. Great Expectations is one of my favorites, and A Christmas Carol is a great book. However, I assumed that this being animated, and produced by Disney, that it would in fact be kid friendly. I was wrong. Apparently animation is no longer directed towards children. It was a definitely a movie geared towards maybe teens and adults. I just can't believe it, but that will teach me to study more about something before I let my son watch it. We'll stick to Frosty and the classics from now on. Geesh, movies have changed. Even the G rated movies are a bit much sometimes. That saddens me. We do not watch a lot of television, so every now and then a good movie is great. I can't believe how hard it is to find a good movie that we can all enjoy.

This wasn't exactly an adoption related post, well except for Andy telling Santa about his siblings that are waiting on us to pick them up. That's okay though, sometimes it's nice just to blog about our family. Oh a cute note...my husband called them Anner and Tanner this morning.... :)

A family of what?

2009-12-18T01:44:00.000-08:00

So here's my 4am post for today. As of 9am this morning we will be a family of three again. Well actually we are a family of five, just two of them are living half way across the world. Our two foster babies are leaving today. It is definitely a bittersweet time. There is relief in being able to move forward on our paperwork and preparations for bringing home Anna and Tanner, without having to do the circus of fostering. However, we have loved and helped those children grow so much while they have been with us. Our home, as far as fostering, will be closed. I requested this. Our four year old begged us not to have anymore kids with moms and dads. He wants forever brothers and sisters. When we went into fostering, we didn't think he would be as affected as he is. So for now we focus on getting his forever brother and sister here. We have changed our family dynamic so much in the last year. We went from having one kid to having four, then one, then three, and now back to one but with two waiting. Crazy.

Oh the good news for the day must be shared. We got our fingerprint letters yesterday! The first week in January should have our I171 in the making. After we receive that, and figure out this appraisal stuff, we'll have a complete dossier.

Whoa....

2009-12-17T01:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting here at 3am feeding our foster baby. He and his brother will be leaving this week, so these last few early morning feedings carry some sentiment with them. As I am feeding him, I am thinking about adoption and the kids. Foster baby is six months old. He has been with us since he was two weeks. Such a tiny thing he was at barely four pounds. Now he is a chunker, and such the little cuddle bug. He will be missed. As I am looking at him, it dawns on me. I mean IT really dawns on me. We are adopting two five year old children. Really? Five? Whoa... I love babies. At one point I even worked in a neonatal nursery with as we called them "fresh" babies. They are squishy, innocent, tiny, and smell like bliss.

People do not typically adopt five year olds. I mean you always hear of this high demand for babies don't you? People adopting domestic infants, people searching out the country with the most available babies and short wait times. I don't blame them. Babies are adorable. They have all those qualities mentioned above, and that makes them magnetic. Yet, in my mind all this time, I have been thinking of Tanner and Anna as my babies. It has nothing to do with the fact that they have Down syndrome. In fact most of the time I forget that they have it. Oh I've spent many late nights researching the best parenting, teaching, and communication techniques to help them, but do not really think of them in terms of having Down syndrome. That's something they have, but it doesn't define them completely.

Yet I still think of them as my babies. I have this incredible excitement about bringing them home and they are FIVE! Whoa. And there is two of them. Whoa! It doesn't feel any less exciting than when we were expecting Andy. There isn't any less excitement than when we thought we were going to be adopting one of the babies we had been matched with. In fact this may be more exciting. I mean they are already people. Oh babies are people, but they gradually grow into the person they will be. Anna and Tanner have five years of character, five years of life, five years of wanting a mom and dad to love them. I am excited to meet them. To teach them English and sign language. I look forward to reading to them, snuggling, camping, trips to the zoo, sewing up their Halloween costumes, and watching as they grow in this new world. I don't expect it to be always happy nor easy, but I am in awe of this different kind of journey we'll be taking in parenthood. Not many people get this kind of opportunity.

So those are my five year old babies, and we have a four year old baby (although he would be peeved to be called that). I am guessing that they could be forty two and I would still think of them as my babies. My mother probably still thinks of me in this manner even though I am twenty-five. How funny that mothers can feel this way. How wonderful that I do have this pure joy about adopting not babies. No part of me is sad that they are not babies. I wouldn't have thought this about myself a few years ago. Maybe that is why none of our other adoption attempts were successful. God was waiting on me to wake up and find my true babies. Whoa...

Keeping the Faith.

2009-12-16T12:08:00.001-08:00

So, adoption is not cheap. Adopting internationally is especially expensive. We know this. We knew this before committing to adopting Anna and Tanner. The two of us sat down, brainstormed, and designed a plan to bring these two home. It consists of a lot of sacrifice on our parts, but we know this is only temporary, and the end result is worth it. Now, taking on debt is something we are really hoping not to do. We do not feel comfortable with debt. For us, it has always been worth it to live with what we have, and save for what we don't have. It was a surprise when we were told that our adoption process would not take very long at all. We thought when initially looking into it that it would take around a year. However, because we had an approved homestudy, and because these two really need a family so they are not transferred to an institution, our family is doing things quite fast. So our plan was/is to fundraise as much as possible and, (like I've mentioned before) my husband is taking extra work to put back money.

Sometimes I wonder will we be able to pull it all together. I guess I know that in the end we can take a small loan to cover what we don't have. However, sometimes the weight of pulling it all together feels enormous. Today especially. I guess it's because I really do hope that people are called to support us. I don't think I really hope they will support us financially (that makes me feel guilty due to all the other families and children in need), but just show support for us in any way. I want so much for my husband to see and feel that support. This is a journey for both of us, but something in me, tells me this is going to be hugely spiritual for him. All of the cynicism he once had about people is slowly fading. Maybe I shouldn't be so impatient for this. Maybe I should keep the faith, and let God take care of His business. Gah, isn't that hard sometimes. In my heart I know it will all work, because this truly is what we are called to do. Things falling into place like they have, and not happening in the past, all lead me to know this will be okay. In the end we will have two new beautiful children, who I look so forward to sewing up Christmas pajama for next year :) I just have to continue to keep the faith, and be patient. Why is patience so hard? I guess that's why it a virtue.

Those without names.

2009-12-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

I frequently look over the Reeces Rainbow website, and hope that there are many more children with committed families. As I do this, it usually brings tears to my eyes. There are so many children in need of families. What usually brings on the tears these days are those children listed without names. It makes me wonder, do they have a name? They are listed as Girl or Boy and then a number. How lonely that would be. Not to have a name. I find comfort in the fact that God has known these children even before they were conceived, but still grieve the fact that they have such a need. Many of the children on the website are not able to sit, because they have been left in a crib all of their lives. How sad that would be, to spend years just laying around. Many have all the potential in the world to be up and cruising, but no one to care about them enough to encourage movement. I encourage everyone to say a little prayer for all of the lonely children, those who desire to explore but are not allowed, and those without names.

The first of many fundraisers!

2009-12-14T08:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was a baking machine. John had taken an order sheet to work for people to order what sweets they would like, and then brought it home for me to bake. Needless to say after creating a dump truck cake from scratch (with buttercream frosting), throwing a birthday party, and cooking up these goodies, it was a full weekend. So worth it though. Our son had a wonderful birthday, and I got to do what I love best, feed people! I am always cooking up something to send off to those guys my hubby works with. Many of them stay in town to work their four days, and are without a wife's home cooking. A lot of them aren't married, and enjoy treats from home. I have always hoped to one day open a bakery, so this was a lot of fun. Even if my current kitchen is the shape and size of a shoe box. It was fairly successful, and brought in around $60 towards the adoption!

It's a party day!

2009-12-12T09:15:00.000-08:00

We're having a birthday party today for our little guy. He will officially be four on Monday, but most people do not throw birthday parties on a Monday. So, we're having it today. Our little guy had a rough beginning.

He came into this world, our first child, via c-section. He was born at 33 weeks, but still a whopping 6 1/2 pounds. His lungs had fluid on them, and so he spent a while in the neonatal intensive care unit. It was such an emotional and heart wrenching time for us. I can remember having to leave the hospital and come home without him to this day, and still get teary. I have no idea how I'm going to go to the Ukraine for weeks without him. I've not been away from him for more than a night, and that has only happened a hand full of times. He is a large piece of my heart, and I am so thrilled to wish him a Happy 4th Birthday!

Plugging for Friday

2009-12-11T03:51:00.000-08:00

So here is this weeks other blog plug. I do this because I think a lot of people check out my blog. Not everyone feels led to donate to us, and hey that's cool. However, you might find some little cutie though the plug that someone else is sponsoring, and donate to them. Which is why today I'm plugging for Olga. Her sponsors are doing a donation match today on their blog trying to raise $1000 for Olga's child sponsor page. They are already over $700 and nearly met their goal! So head on over and check it out.
http://fromnctoukraine.blogspot.com/2009/12/december-11th-is-gotcha-day-help-us.html

and now it's fixed :)

2009-12-10T09:14:00.000-08:00

Wahoooooo it's official we have our own sponsor page! The button on the right should work now. If it doesn't you can click either photo of the kids. Or our sponsor page is:
http://reecesrainbow.com/sponsorknapp.html

Discussions

2009-12-10T05:46:00.001-08:00

Note: First I wanted to point out that our button on the right here is not working at the moment, but I am assured that our sponsor page will be up soon. So please go ahead and grab it anyway, as it should be working soon.

My son who will be four next week, came up to me this morning and asked if we could snuggle. Here is an excerpt from our conversation.

Andy: Mom can I come snuggle you?
Me: Sure
Andy: Get closer
He scoots as close as humanly possible.
Andy: Mom when I grow up and am a mans and have wife you will still be my mom but not control me right?
Me:Right
Andy: But you will still be my mom?
Me: Yes
Andy: And will you cook me food still? (He's always concerned about food, has been since he was born)
Me: I will cook for you sometimes, but not everyday like I do now.
Andy: Will you mind seeing my wife when you come to my house to cook for me?
Me: Well no I'm sure I will love your wife and won't mind seeing her, but I'll probably cook at my own home most of the time.
Andy: Will I mind my wife?
Me: I'm sure you won't mind her being in your kitchen :)

I have one of the greatest gifts on earth. I get to be a stay at home mom. He and I get to have these conversations frequently since he tends to talk from the time his feet hit the floor, and cease talking only after his light has been turned out at night. I am so blessed to be home with him. It wasn't my dream. I had never thought I would be this woman that I am today. I do know that I couldn't be happier anywhere else. It brings me joy to care for my son, make some of his clothes, cook my husband's meals, clean my home, and be able to keep the home a nice upbeat kind of place. Those little discussions between my son and I are always the best, and always remind me of how much I do love what I do. I can't wait to have Anna and Tanner home as well, to multiply the times when I am reminded of the wonderful blessing I have to be a mom.

Frugal Tip Wednesday

2009-12-09T09:37:00.000-08:00

Okay here is a tip for those of you who have children. We do not eat cereal for breakfast, but I do buy the organic low sugar stuff at Big Lots for cheap, and feed as snacks. Seriously check that place out, because the cereal is not outdated and it's CHEAP!

But that's not the tip, and really anyone who eats cereal, boxed mac and cheese, stuffing, etc can use this tip. When the food is used, take your box and cut out the panels. For cereal boxes this yields a large cardboard surface area. This can be used for the kids to paint on without bleeding through to the table. Other uses are for making masks and ramps for hot wheels.

Now, I usually wait until my boxes build up, and then cut them all at the same time. Less in the trash, recycling some materials, and used the rubber band from the asparagus to hold them all together. Thrifty fun times :)

Guess What!

2009-12-08T03:08:00.000-08:00

Our passports came yesterday! We weren't expecting them for another few weeks, so this was a welcomed surprise. Especially since we never made it to do the errands I had planned due to one little two year old, and his Monday grumpies. I have never had a passport before, and to be honest, have never seen one before. Unfortunately my picture is dreadful. John, however, is very attractive in his. How does that work? I was so happy that they also sent back our birth certificates. When we submitted our applications, we were told that we *should* get them back at some point. Leading me to believe that those babies were long gone. Not so!

Also in the mail yesterday was a letter from USCIS. It was just a letter to inform us that our application was being processed, and that we should get a letter in the mail for biometrics any day now! Fantastic. Happy Mail Monday to me! I believe that once we have our fingerprints, and proofread the homestudy, we'll only be waiting on our I171, and then our dossier can be complete. Of course I will still have to have it notarized, county authenticated, and then drive it to the capitol for authentication. Thankfully that doesn't make me so nervous anymore, our capitol people are very sweet. The Lord is blessing us.

Magic Monday? Hmm...Manic Monday!

2009-12-07T06:41:00.000-08:00

This morning I received a copy of our homestudy rewrite to proof read. It's funny that the ages of our parents (that were included two years ago) have not changed. Those things can be difficult to write though. So many technicalities to get correct, which is why we proof read. I was also asked to have new medical forms filled out. Man! I wish I had known that last Friday when we were having our medical exams. So how is it manic Monday? Well it's about thirty degrees outside. I'll be bundling all three kids to go by the doctors office to drop off these new medical forms, and then to the county appraiser to try and explain what I need. That trip will be followed by a trip to the bank for a statement on the house that we already own. Let's hope all the kids are fairly well behaved. I wish places would still allow kids to have snacks. Gone are the days of pacifying a child with Cheerios. This craziness will not last much longer as our two babies will be transitioning on soon. It will be back to just the three of us once again. However, the time is flying by, and I have a feeling Anna and Tanner will be here before we know it. Andy sure is looking forward to that day. Now...where are those passports :)

Sunday Thoughts

2009-12-06T12:02:00.000-08:00

37 “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

I think that most of us have a time when the first thought that comes to mind about a situation is often a judgement. We hear of someone doing something that causes pain to others, and think to ourselves, how can they do that? What kind of person does that? What kind of person says that? Maybe those of you with children who have special needs have heard a strangers' comments, and immediately your attitude became defensive. How can someone say something like that, so derogatory, towards such beautiful children? How can someone use the "R" word so freely?

This is where we draw strength from the Word. Instead of going on the defensive (I know hard right?) try the forgiving spirit. Unfortunately for those people, doing or saying these awful things, they do not know the love you have in your heart. They do not know the love of the Father. What a glorious gift we have knowing we are forgive, that He carries our burdens, and that through Him all things are possible. How light does that make you feel? The difficulties of life do not cloud your mind, and bring a dark hole into your heart. Eating away at the good feelings, and replacing them with worry, doubt, and hatred. Oh my life has never been an easy one, but I've always been able to share my hardships with the Lord. How blessed am I! How freeing. How sad for those who do not know, like I know.

I'll share with you. When I met my husband he was an honest, hard working man. However, he was an angry, keep to himself, quiet man. His childhood like mine was filled with much adversity. Unfortunately he didn't know the love that I know. He did latch on to me though (lucky me!), and began to brighten. So many people flooded me with compliments on my being able to bring him out of his shell. He would have been one of those people to possibly make a negative comment and not stop to think of the harm. Seven years later, living with me, he is a beautiful man. His mind doesn't automatically go to the angry, make snide remarks way it used to. He is learning about that love. I wonder if all those years ago, had someone reached out to him, instead of going on the defensive would have been able to brighten sooner? Had the church not shunned his clothing when he was taken the one time as a child, would he have known the love? Would he be further along in his journey to salvation?

Be kind, even in the face of anger and hate. Open your arms to those who offend. It's not easy. But worth it. For what you give, it will be given back. You may not make much progress by saying a kind word against a hateful one, but I guarantee that somewhere your kind word registered. I hate to think of all the ugly sins I've committed that caused the Lord grief, but He still loves me. He forgives me every time. Thank God!

Snow

2009-12-05T08:04:00.000-08:00

It snowed today, we woke up to a light covering. The first snow of the season here, and oh how wonderful it is. I just love snow, and think I would be most happy living somewhere that it snows all year long. It's the perfect day for soup and homemade bread. YUM! I hope everyone has a lovely weekend, snuggle the ones you love, give a prayer of thanks for being inside on a chilly day.

It's Medical Day!

2009-12-04T06:28:00.000-08:00

LOL, I never thought I would be happy to go to the doctor. In fact we are more of the natural responder type of people, and tend to avoid the doctor. However, today we will get our medicals for our dossier. We should also receive a copy of our home study to proof by the end of the day. Our checks were processed for our passports, so let's hope they are being expedient. Now all we are really waiting on is the USCIS people to send us an appointment for fingerprinting. I remember being able to set up the appointment two years ago in a flash, but now we are required to mail off the application to Texas and just wait. That stinks. Oh well, it's not like we could travel to the Ukraine in the next week anyway. Although I do wish I could just wrap my arms around those cuties, and tell them they are loved. It would also be nice to have them here, safe and snug, under my roof. All good things come to those who wait though right? So I'll be patient.

Plugging :)

2009-12-03T06:08:00.000-08:00

I am writing this post today to promote another girl's blog. She is raising money for Kiril, a little boy who is waiting for a family. She is asking for just $1 from anyone who visits her blog. Maybe you could be Kiril's family. Please pray for him, and the success of his fundraiser.
Thanks :)
www.findingkirilsfamily.blogspot.com

Let's Get Thrifty! Wednesday.

2009-12-02T07:29:00.000-08:00

First before I go on to post my original post, I must share my appreciation for this new church. If you are following my blog from the first post, then you know, how special this church is. For my husband has gone every Sunday since that first day. It seems that each Sunday the message is always something that my husband can agree with, and it is a powerful message full of no nonsense Biblical truth. I love it. The pastor always seems to relate to my husband through his message, which brings us back. Well, last night, two of the church members showed up at the door. How sweet. My husband isn't one to socialize much (that would be my area), but even he digressed his gratitude and enjoyment of a church with caring members. Things are a changin' folks :)

Okay onto my original post. As many of you know, I am a stay at home mom. Being a stay at home mom doesn't bring in a lot of revenue (green revenue that is). However, I couldn't imagine anything better than being able to take care of my family 24/7. Anyways, to do this adoption, we have to make sacrifices. Hey, everyone does, it is just a fact. Besides anything worth doing usually bears some kind of sacrifice, which makes it all the more sweeter. Right? Yes. So I'm going to share with you what I like to do to save a little here and here. One of the best money savers is baking things from scratch. In the above photo you will see fresh Biscotti! I have loved biscotti from the first time it was introduced to my mouth. However, that first time I paid $.87 for one single biscuit. Ha! I made the whole batch this week for less than $3. Here's how:

Biscotti
3 c flour
3tsp baking powder
3 eggs
1/4 oil
1/4 butter (melted)
1 c sugar
1/2 Tbs vanilla extract
1tsp almond extract
1/4 c white chocolate chips

Cream eggs, butter, oil, sugar, and extracts. Pour in flour and baking powder. Divide into two parts, shape into a ball, and then mold into a log on a cookie sheet. Bake at 375 for 25 minutes. Pull out, cool a bit, and then slice slant wise. Put back into oven for about 8 minutes. They should be crisp. Cool, drizzle with chocolate.

Now, we usually do not eat white sugar or flour, but at Christmas time I do like to cook something fun once a week. Baking is a great love of mine. This is a very yummy recipe, and only one piece will satisfy just about anyone.

The Best

2009-12-01T14:44:00.000-08:00

I love how excited my almost four year old is about *his* Anner and Tanner, as he calls them. He tells everyone he knows about his brother and sister that are coming. He also goes on to tell them that a brother is a boy and a sister is a girl (every time he tells someone). The joy in his voice is so wonderful. His understanding of time and the adoption process is a bit amiss. He keeps asking me if we can raise the money faster so they can come home already. I keep trying to explain that aside from the money, it is the paperwork and court process that is holding us back. Of course this is all coming at him in a blah...blah...blah manner I'm sure. So I keep trying to reassure him that Spring will be here before he knows it, and so will his Anner and Tanner.

I am wondering how and when I should explain Down syndrome to Andy. Honestly he does not see any difference between himself and his new brother and sister, when he looks at pictures. However, I know that he may be expecting a 'typical' set of five year olds. So for those of you with experience in this area, how do I go about explaining Down syndrome to a four year old?

A new goal!

2009-11-29T13:37:00.000-08:00

We are going to try to do something possibly radical, but hey you never know right? We are making the need for homes, sponsors, and prayers known to our community. Our goal is to raise the funds for our family's adoption, and to help raise money for larger grants for other children. I for one think this is very doable, not sure how, but know that it is possible. Wouldn't that be amazing, being able to save not two but three or more children. I'm excited!

Happy Early Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T12:28:00.000-08:00

We have so much to be thankful for this year, and all the years past. I want to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. I'll be cooking up the bird this year, and teaching my sisters (12 and 15) how to make pie crust. I am just so happy to think that next year for Thanksgiving there will be two more little people at our table! I'll be back to blog the fun on Monday.

In the meantime.

2009-11-24T08:39:00.001-08:00

Well not everyday can be all about adoption, because no matter how much I would like to bring them home now, it just isn't feasible. Thinking about it all day will only stand to make us crazy. Thankfully, I have small children, and a holiday approaching to keep me busy. Since we are pinching pennies this year, and have agreed not to buy for each other and only the children, I have been getting in touch with my creative side. So in the meantime, while we wait for our newest additions and paperwork to be processed, I have this:

It's the beginnings of a denim quilt for my sweetie. He loves to have a weighted blanket on him, but the covers are never long enough for his six foot frame. So I'm making this for him with a foot pocket at the bottom, he can tuck his feet into. Do you see the goober who had to sneak into the photo? :)

This will be a baby blanket for our littlest guy to take with him when he goes home. It's such an easy v pattern, and it helps to have something to do with my hands in the evenings after they all go to bed. I love baby blankets made of yarn they are always so soft and snuggly. I'll also be making the boys some pants, hats, and our stockings this year. I just have to find a needle for my sewing machine, it broke yesterday. I can't wait to make dresses, rag dolls, and girly sweaters for our little girl! I love having boys, and they make me so joyful, but I do look forward to having a little girl for all the mother/daughter things.

Why?

2009-11-22T13:39:00.000-08:00

Luke
13 But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. 14 And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you; for you shall be repaid at the resurrection of the just.”

Why not adopt a "normal" child? Why would you want children with special needs? Why take that on? Why not adopt from your own country? What good will they be to you? It doesn't make any sense. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. How can you possibly want one of those children in your life forever?

Those are just a few of the horrifying and annoying comments we have received via various people. Some of those people are self professed Christians. It is just unfathomable for some people to grasp the idea that, people who do not fit into the society norm, deserve love and family. However, Jesus did not tell us we should love only those who can benefit us. In fact He told us quite the opposite. He told us to love those who cannot repay us. Those who are poor, lame, maimed, and blind are those who need us the most. To us, there is no reason why we should not adopt the two gorgeous beings on the right of this page. Of course there will be trying times. Are there not trying times with children who are seemingly "normal?" Yes, they look different. Um...I've never seen anyone who looks just like me. I have one leg longer than the other, wear glasses (most of the time), and my nose is exceptionally large for a female. Nope, not normal looking here. If God tells us to love everyone, then why do people with special needs get looked upon as not worthy of that love. To me they are more worthy than I. Why take that on? Well, why not? We are capable, we have a lot of love, and I have personally read more than a hundred books on adoption, parenting, and parenting children with special needs. So informed, I am. I feel like people are lazy. People do not want to burden their lives, and then know that's wrong, so they make it taboo for others to want to step up and take on a challenge. We are not like that. In no way are we jumping on board with this lightly, but we are also not doing this with a righteous attitude. It's not that we are out to do something big and put ourselves on show. We want to add to our family, to parent more children, give our son brothers and sisters, and yes save these kids. But why not? To those who want to know why we don't adopt in our own country. Well I'm not sure why kids here are more important than kids in the Ukraine. Aren't all people important? However, I will say that those people making those comments, may not have tried to adopt domestically from foster care. We've been foster parents for a year. We've submitted our home study for hundreds of children. We did initially set out a few years ago to adopt from Liberia, and have since explored a few routes to adoption. We just go where God leads. All children in all countries have worth. Children in the US foster system have a chance, they have health care, they have caregivers and interaction. That's not always the case for children in third world countries. In fact it's not the case for most of those children. For those people with all of those questions, I want you to answer me. Why not adopt these children?

check, check, check

2009-11-20T13:45:00.000-08:00

So I feel accomplished for the day. I was able to get our Petition to Adopt Tanner and Anna notarized and county authenticated. Then okayed by Meredith. After that I drove it to the state capitol, which I was a bit leary of, but it turned out quite a peaceful experience. I was afraid the place would be swamped, but God bless Kentucky, it was as empty as could be. And parking was free! Love it. I drove back to my town, mailed the petition to the Ukraine, and mailed in our I600A petition with fundage. We have our passport appointment set for next Friday, and medical appointment the following Friday. We are on a roll, wahoo.

Oh my goodness

2009-11-19T19:13:00.001-08:00

I just have to throw in here briefly how excited I get when I publish a post and see those faces to the right. They are two of the absolute cutest children, I just can't wait to have them home. Gah, they are too adorable!
:)

Success!

2009-11-19T19:06:00.000-08:00

Today we had to get some things in order. It was me with the kids in tow, and all I have to say that the knowledge of a baby carrier is such a blessing. Baby stayed in the carrier while each of the boys walked through getting passport applications, buying money orders, notarizing papers, sending faxes, and grocery shopping. The best part? They were fantastic through all of the stops, and had such great behavior. This mama was quite proud, so much so, that I gave them a cookie. Everyone knows we are a very low sugar household, so for them, this was a treat. I hope this is going to be indicative of how the process to accumulate documents will be. Success for this day!

Whew!

2009-11-19T08:55:00.001-08:00

Well first off, big praise report for this morning. I was told that the orphanage will keep Anna and Tanner in the baby house til we get there. Let's pray for an expedient dossier.

Which brings me to the "whew" part. It is a little overwhelming to look at the dossier requirements, and know that they have to have every single things correct in order to be accepted. I have no idea how I'm going to get around to all of these people, especially when I do not know a notary. I shall find one though. Did I mention that I'll have all three kids (under age four) in tow? Yes, my husband's job requires that he work from 5am to 6:30pm, and he's picking up overtime, which puts him at work during all business hours. So the kids and I are out for an adventure as we try to get our dossier completed by mid January. (insert oh my word face here). I am a little sad, because this leaves little time for fundraising which we so desperately need to do, but I know that in the end it will all come together some how. God will provide. He called us to do this, and will not forsake us. At least they are being given the chance to be adopted, and will not be transferred to the institution.

The Plan

2009-11-18T01:19:00.000-08:00

Colossians 1:10
And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,
Now, I want to put some things out there to those who know us, and to those who are daunted by adoption expense. We are not wealthy in a monetary sense. What we are is dedicated and blessed. I used the Bible verse above, because it accurately describes what I hope we both can accomplish through this adoption. My husband is new to being inspired by the Word, but I am not. I hope (my greatest hope) is that through this we will both grow together in the Lord. We will grow in many ways. For John, it will be by seeing his fellow man step up and help these children come home. He has always been a wonderful husband and father, but has always been a bit cynical about the "world." Already his exposure to the devotion the people from Reeces Rainbow have to these children, is changing his heart.
For myself, this is going to be not only my life long dream to adopt, but also a training tool for myself. We are devoted to these children. So much so that we are pushing ourselves to give up many things. For those daunted by the expense of adoption, I can only say this. Be grateful for the donations to the children, and prayerful for the giver. Give of yourself. We are not giving to each other for Christmas. We are sacrificing the next six months of time with each other in order for John to work overtime. There will be no new clothes for the adults, no dinners out to eat, scaling back on household expense, and living as close to the Tightwad Gazette's standard as possible. I will be crocheting, knitting, sewing, and baking things to sell at various times. John will make some wooden toys we can sell, and family members have offered some of their handmade goods to raffle. This is the plan. Sacrifice now so that in the end we can reap the lifelong reward. Is it daunting to consider working so much; taking care of the three kids in our home now; keeping up with the foster kids' appointments; compiling a dossier; doing all cooking from scratch (saves money); learning all I can about Down syndrome; learning a new language via Rosetta Stone; freshening up on sign language, and living off as little as possible? Yeah. Well no actually it doesn't really. I am looking forward to learning a new discipline for myself, but much more importantly we have our eyes on those children. They are worth all this and much more. There is nothing I wouldn't do to save Andy(our four year old), and so I see this as the same. Those are our kids, and there is nothing to great a task to save them. Besides I have God on my side. So is it really to much? Nah.

So it begins.

2009-11-16T03:05:00.000-08:00

How can one look at a site full of shining, beautiful, faces, and not fall in love? Is that even possible? Well it wasn't for us either. Our journey began a few years ago with the desire to have another child. We began throwing the idea of adoption around, and chose to follow my heart to Liberia. Unfortunately we never made it. We were green. We didn't ask enough questions, or do enough research. My heart had so been in love with the children of Africa, and to lose not only our money, but our dream of this child, was incredibly sad. However, our hope to adopt did not go away. We began learning about special needs adoption, and decided to try for that here in America. We are fed these images of children all over the US in need of homes, but I can tell you that there are many people out there looking for the same child. America is a wonderful place to be for, in this country, we do not lock our special children away in an institution to die. We provide services and support to help them become all that they can be. As it stands we are foster parents to two wonderful boys, that we hope will be able to reunify with parents who have grown. However, our hearts still yearn to add a permanent family member to our home.

That is where Tanner and Anna come in. Over the last couple of years my heart has repeatedly returned to Reeces Rainbow. I would look at all of those children, and pray for a way to help them. Money seems to be the daunting figure holding most people back, and making it seem an impossible task. Now we have enough money to be comfortable, and meet all the needs, and a lot of the wants of our family. However, we do not have 24 thousand dollars laying around. But we do have a merciful and wonderful God. So He shows us that by scraping by, working over time, not buying for each other (hubby and myself) for Christmas or birthday, and by using our baking skills and crafty abilities, we may be able to come up with the money to save these children from a life of living in an institution. They are in imminent danger of being sent away from the baby houses to the mental institution, left to very little in the way of care. Their smiles are infectious, and we look forward to being their mom and dad. So join us in our journey, as we embark on the unknown, and enhance our lives forever.